scene

the five senses of being the other woman

 

taste of empty words on dry and hardened lips, unfinished conversations and run-on sentences that will just keep running on..

smell of self-resentment, lack of will to sweat or shower, three empty tubs of peanut butter,

sight of the other half of your mistake, locked eyes with a neutral expression and palpable distain.

a reflection of some version of you youre uncomfortably familiar with

texture of dull lifeless hair, hardened skin ripped off of finger nails, ocean made of comforter on the couch, cat breathing on your chest.

ears ringing with the silence of isolation, the sound of yourself in a vacuum, the first whistles of winter winds

desolate.

The Big Picture

When I think about the distant future, “my life”, there are some things I hope to have, be and do.

I hope to have a grateful heart. I hope to always recognize the infinite blessings around me, and resists against the desensitization of all the beauty. When I inevitably get caught up in the drama and illusion of the everyday, I hope to connect with that post-India gratefulness.

I hope to have a space of my own. A space I love, feel is an extension of me, and is all mine. A place to meditate, draw, paint, read, drink tea.

I will always have biscotti’s, scones or a cookie to enjoy with my lattes and cappuccinos, from a beautifully exquisite coffee machine.

I will have a sun room, so I may connect with nature through four seasons of beauty. I will have a green space with many trees, a place for sunshine, and innumerable flowers. I will make a home for critters of all kinds. A hammock will cradle me and my book in the sunshine.

I will always be near a large body of water. I will have much alone time with the water, always connecting to my mermaid roots. I will meditate and run by this water, drawing from its endless energy.I will constantly nourish, exercise, exert and honour my body. My yoga practice will be ever-evolving.

I will dedicate time, money, food, talents, whatever I can, to those who need it. Helping will be a part of my program.

I will speak. To students, other people, I will share my acquired wisdom, lessons, and tales in an effort to raise the overall vibration of our planet. Promoting gratitude and happiness wherever I can.

Pippa and I will have a dog. He will be my soul mate and best friend.

 

A theory

A theory of why adults say “don’t blink” and mean it; why with each birthday they shake their head in disbelief  and ponder ” where has the time gone.” Many a adult will agree upon a negative correlation between age and the perception of clock time.  Meaning, as their age value increases, the amount of minutes in their days and days in their years decreases.. sometimes exponentially. I believe I know why.

Think back to summer days spent on either hot asphalt or luscious lawn, when the sun colour of the sky changing was your only inclination of any time passing. As a child, I remember those summers days as though they were the dominant portion of my life. That the school year was nothing but a brief interruption of a seemingly infinite season of popsicles and freedom. I can remember the exact moment this perception shifted to calendar time, standing on my porch in disbelief that these glory days were nothing but (%) of my year, and that meant the first day of school was approaching in 2 short weeks. I curse this day. From then on I have been aware of where exactly my current position falls in the spectrum of my life. I am constantly away how many days are left in this month, until Christmas, until my birthday. But why is this knowledge harmful, you may be thinking.

I ask you to think about the last time you were unsure of the time of day, or day of the week. Unless you’ve vacationed recently, this is probably a challenging task. As adults, we are constantly aware of where the current minute falls in the hour and how many we have left until our next task, day or event. We are perpetually timing, counting and scheduling our lives. A necessary evil, maybe… for what a chaotic abyss life would be without a calendar. But what is unnecessary is the weight we attribute to these quantified versions of our days. I propose a life where we live moment to moment, instead of minute to minute.

This is where my theory stems from. Most adults cannot grab hold of time because they are never truly living within it. The natural conscious state is to reflect on the past or project into the future. We are constantly analyzing what has just happened, and trying to predict what will happen. We crave a sense of control over future events, and in an effort to achieve this we are perpetually visualizing a loop of possible scenarios of what is to come. Additionally, we are forever ruminating on past experiences- picking apart their contents in hopes of obtaining some kind of intangible truth. While this is all occurring, the present moment decays. We lose the only true moment we have- right now. 

I challenge you to make a conscious effort to be intensely aware of the present moment. You may have heard of this concept, it is called mindfulness. There are real scientific studies proving the benefits of mindfulness and the endless ways it contributes to overall health and happiness. And one incredible byproduct of this exercise is that you suddenly have a hold of the time that was otherwise slipping away from you. By living in the now you are no longer measuring life in terms of hours or days, and will be brought back to the blissful ignorance of time.

How to save a life

a new friend once taught me an old lesson- “all you need is love.”

Like all rules, there are exceptions. This may be debatable for many types of extenuating circumstances (food, water, shelter….) but if I may refer to my friend Maslow’s extensive work and his pyramid of needs, love is indeed all we need.

When someone thinks life is so hopeless that its no longer worth living, all they need is love. Provide them with any demonstration of love you can think of.

People who get you

I’ve recently decided a big part of what life is about is finding people who get you. Find these people and hang onto them for as long as possible. There is something unspeakably magical about being with someone to whom you need not verbalize your thoughts, rationalize your notions, or forewarn of your actions. There is comfort in being with someone with whom you share a brain wave, one virtually always knowing that the other is thinking.

How do you find these people? You let them find you. You live your life on your own accord, seizing opportunities that allow introductions to new people as they present themselves. Trusting that the universe will do its part in bringing you together.

Once in the company of said person, you will feel an overwhelming sense of comfort. It will not feel as though you just met, rather the opposite. It will seem unlikely that you’ve gone your entire life up until this point without their company. If it is not immediately apparent, it will be shortly. The realization will begin by discovering you enjoy much of the same food, music, colours. You will then easily discover that you share almost identical viewpoints on virtually every aspect of life. Abnormally frequently, he or she will say something at the very moment you are thinking it. Or both of you will chime out identical questions, followed by a smile and disbelieving head shake in response. (For example, “Do you like pad thai?”) Finally, when physical contact inevitably ensues, it will mock anything prior. It will feel as though your lips are touching another for the first time and that until this moment you were living romance  in a parental-guidance